I'm starting to think that two days is the magic number for the hurting to really kick in after an adjustment.

Ow.

As a Nikon gangsta 4 life I approve this video. Joey L is kinda twinky for my taste, but I'd hit his tattooed buddy Will (see after the credits) in a hot second. Peace!



Wedding photographer David Ziser said in his seminar I attended last month that there are three main "religious" arguments in digital photography:
1. Mac vs. PC
2. Canon vs. Nikon
3. RAW vs. JPEG
I don't have exceptionally strong feelings so far, but I use PCs, I'm a Nikonian and I shoot RAW (don't worry, I wear a filter).

I had my second monthly adjustment yesterday afternoon. Again, the orthodontist says that teeth are moving. He double-wired one tooth in the top right to rein it in, and put some sort of spring in the bottom center. What am I now, a mattress? I've been having some low-grade discomfort all day today, but nothing that a couple of ibuprofen couldn't handle. Thankfully there's been no new bracket irritation. After my next appointment in early January, I'll have to make an appointment with my oral surgeon to get a couple of overcrowded front teeth up top removed to make way for the others to spread out. I looked in the mirror this morning with fresh eyes and noticed that one tooth that I know had grown in nearly ninety degrees rotated off-axis from normal is now almost in its proper position. Wow! I was stunned... and I felt a few of those "demons" get stomped, like in the Monty Python's Flying Circus opening credits. My TLT associate friend, buddy, photo model, and #1 fan Jack sent me an herbal proanthenol supplement: an antioxidant and bioflavonoid blend which he says works in conjunction with the vitamin C I'm already taking, that should help the healing process through cellular regeneration. Hey, anything that enhances this process is fine by me It looks like we're already on a roll!

Yes, it's time for another long update. Yesterday morning I got the remainder of the St. Louis pictures chosen, edited and processed: you can find the whole lot here. A fellow from Tupelo on a dating site found my profile and decided to take me up on my offer to do photo shoots, so he'll be here next weekend to face my lens. It'll be the first real shooting I've done since the St. Louis trip; since then I've added a Paul C. Buff/AlienBees 48" brolly box to my arsenal and I hope to use that and some black seamless with him.

Thanksgiving/birthday went well enough, I suppose. We were all set to have another big Thanksgiving, but as of 11 AM Thanksgiving Day my sister Tasha, her husband Gene and my mother had not yet arrived. My mother called and said that sis & husband had gone over to his father's for the holiday so that they could come over here for Christmas. That's all well and good, but they'd neglected to actually call us and let us know ahead of time, a) so we wouldn't prepare so much food, and b) so we could have gone over and picked up my mom so she wouldn't spend the holiday alone, since she doesn't drive anymore. By the time Mom called it was too late, as she lives an hour away. All of us here were rather ticked off and fell into a sour mood. We were able to suddenly eliminate some of the dishes that hadn't yet been prepared, but the damage was already done. Danny was angry that they chose not to be here, of all times, on a Thanksgiving that coincided with my birthday; he felt that was kind of an insult, although I'm sure they didn't it as such. That hadn't occurred to me, and I was more upset that they'd left Mom at home, even though she probably wanted to stay there instead of going to Gene's dad's place with them.

Danny then attempted to lighten the mood by choosing that post-call moment to bring out my birthday gifts, but I would have preferred a less sudden transition. I received clothing from both him (four pairs of Levi's) and John (polo shirts and a sweater), and an interesting book from our associate Jack, from whom I honestly wasn't expecting anything. Our friend Vincent still chose to stop by in the afternoon when it was time for dinner; his company really did lighten things up, so I was truly thankful for that. The next time my birthday falls on Thanksgiving Day, I'm going to forcibly move it two days forward to the following Saturday so that no holiday drama rainclouds can threaten it!

November marked the one-year anniversary of my new photographic obsession. I'll probably be posting some reflections on it, this past year, and my new self-identity in the near future. Be warned.

I had been waiting to post another entry until I could get all the pictures from our St. Louis trip duly post-processed and uploaded so I could show them off. However, right smack dab after getting home I had to scoot to make it to a photo seminar by David Ziser the next evening, and then to start back to work again after this all too brief vacation. It seems I've barely had any time to myself since, and Thanksgiving/birthday are fast approaching, with all their stress, both bad and good. So who knows when I'll get all those blasted photos done? Ugh.

I've also been tossing around the idea of compiling a book, or at least an online magazine, of my first year of serious photography. Because I didn't end up formally going back to school to study photography, such an endeavor would be a nice way to sum up this past year and for me to show what I've learned, in lieu of a term paper, thesis, student exhibition or whatnot. You good folks can then decide whether I've made the grade. If I can get any critiques from seasoned professionals, so much the better, because that's where I want to take this eventually. Some close friends have already told me I'm good enough to be shown in a gallery, but I think my work needs more honing before it can be deemed ready for prime time.

Anyway, our trip was a good one and just as busy for me as I anticipated, although I tried to mix some photo work with pleasure. I came away thinking I could have captured so much more (in particular, my vintage Yashica went unused), but that's a sentiment to spur future trips. We stayed at the St. Louis Guesthouse in the Soulard, one of our favorite places, and hit all the great restaurants and funky shops we love there and in the Grand District: Billie's Diner, Globe Drug, Tucker's Place, Joanie's Pizza, John D. McGurk's, Cheap Trx, Dunavant Books, Vincent's Market, Park Avenue Coffee (gooey butter cake!), the Old Cathedral, and the Arch (went up to the observation windows, for the first time). The others went to the Anheuser-Busch Brewery and the Soulard Farmer's Market (I couldn't make it to absolutely everything, and I've been to both before). In addition, we strolled around the Missouri Botanical Garden with our dear friend Fredric, and enjoyed the Missouri History Museum and Lafayette Park.

I'd promised to do a photo shoot for leatherwolf1970 (and still owe him another), so he picked me up one afternoon. In scouting for a location, he saw that a wall of graffiti near the river had been "ruined" by more and uglier graffiti, so we headed out to Laumeier Sculpture Park to do a shoot of him by and in Laumeier Project, (Jackie Ferrara, b. 1929), a ziggurat-like red cedar sculpture in the woods there. I loved that particular sculpture for its intersecting, textured lines that framed him wherever I placed him, and for its interior spaces.



What must have been a serious incident in that part of St. Louis left the highway backed up indefinitely, wasting much of our time and preventing us from doing shoots in other locations, so he was kind enough to introduce me to a local camera store chain, Creve Coeur Camera. I debated the merits of getting a pink plastic Holga 120, but thought better of it. He nearly chucked me from his truck when he learned that I'd been coming to St. Louis for years but had never had Ted Drewes or Gus' Pretzels. Gladly he was merciful on my deprived soul and insisted on treating me to a concrete at Ted Drewes on Chippewa.

Before leaving town, we made sure to stop by Gus' Pretzels so that I could duly report that I had been there. Unfortunately my plain pretzels were not piping hot; next time I'm having the nummy cinnamon-sugar ones, braces be damned.

Speaking of which: late last week during lunch, my lower archwire popped out of its two rightmost brackets. I was able to poke it back in long enough to call the orthodontist to have them fix it after work. It was only a minor issue, and common, but it was my first.

As if having a few printers around here wasn't enough, last weekend at Costco we picked up a new HP Photosmart C8180. We'd seen a little $50 doohickey that could scan 35mm negatives and slides, and then we found this printer that could do the same, plus print, scan, copy, burn CD/DVDs from memory cards, and had Wi-Fi and ethernet capability. I also like that I can load it with letter-size paper and 4" x 6" photo paper at the same time. We picked it up for half the current Amazon price. Sweet! We found upon getting it home that we can't scan some of the 120/620 negatives we have: it takes 35mm film negatives and slides only, in a carrier that lies on the glass. I printed out some photos from Lightroom onto photo paper yesterday and they look great, although not quite professional, and not color-calibrated. Still, not bad at all.

Yesterday, Lafayette Park, St. Louis, Missouri: shots by my husband Danny. I'm shooting through a TLR via a DIY contraption in that first pic. I've determined that the gay hanky code for photography ("I'll shoot you"/I'm waiting for my close-up") should be a microfiber lens cleaning cloth worn in the appropriate pocket. You heard it here first, folks.



"There's no double-lock defense;
There's no chain on my door,
And I'm available for consultation.
But remember, your way in is also my way out..."
-- Jethro Tull, "One White Duck/0¹⁰=Nothing at All," Minstrel in the Gallery

More to come.

No house on our street really does Halloween or give out candy; so we don't either, although John will usually buy a bag and pass out candy to any folks who happen by while he's out sitting on his tailgate having a Bud. But let this serve as advance notice to the world just in case I ever decide to have our house participate again:

1. Kids should be walking within their own neighborhoods, not bussed around in cars all over the area.

2. Twilight is the right time for trick-or-treating. Kids should not be out at 8:30 PM, well past when the sky has gone completely black. You're not going to catch me wandering dark streets with a full moon overhead.

3. No costume, no candy! Packs of kids roaming around aimlessly on Halloween without costumes are not trick-or-treaters, and may be subject to being mistaken for zombies and consequently getting hit upside their heads with a shovel.

So it seems I have a new camera fetish: TLR (twin lens reflex) cameras. I guess I just have a thing for them aesthetically, although some I can use for through-the-viewfinder photography. So to all you folks with old cameras lurking in your or your relatives' attics or basements, in flea markets and such, lend me your ears eyes for a moment. Just yesterday I picked up a Yashica D at a local antique mall, in great condition (stock photo at right).

If you have any of these lying around or see any somewhere and the asking price is $20 or less, including shipping -- I have to set an arbitrary limit somewhere -- then by all means send me an email, because I might be interested (or, my birthday's coming up next month!). If your asking price is more and it's an exquisite specimen, go ahead and seduce me, and I might take you up on it.

Look for this beast's identifying characteristics: two lenses on the front panel, and a viewing glass or screen on the top, usually covered by a flip-up hood. The name might have flex in it, like Duaflex, Rolleiflex, Anscoflex, Flexaret, Contaflex, Ricohflex, etc. Be sure that lenses are clear and that all the knobs and buttons operate well. Flip up the hood and look vertically down through the viewer, out the front. It's sort of like a periscope in reverse. You should see an image, although it'll be upside-down and probably somewhat cruddy from accumulated grime. That's okay, as long as you can definitely see something through there.

I'll be going on vacation to St. Louis next week, so I may have to put off any purchases until then.

Amid the severe discomfort of bracket hardware rubbing against my lower lip (do all cyborgs have to deal with similar issues, I wonder?), I tried to do my usual weekend routine. Yes I did make a stop to SpinStreet and, against my better judgement, picked up a few used discs:

The Human League, Greatest Hits [Virgin label]
The Human League, The Very Best Of
Tears for Fears, The Hurting [remaster]
Threshold, Critical Mass
Threshold, Subsurface

I also got in the mail my pre-ordered special edition copy of The Whirlwind: the eagerly awaited third studio release by progressive rock supergroup Transatlantic in the form of an album-length epic. This is easily the weakest of the three, sounding like yet another one of Neal Morse's unedited, unabashedly Christian trips, but Roine Stolt and Pete Trewavas manage to wrest control have things their way for an enjoyable while in the second half. As of yet I haven't listened to the second bonus disc with some shorter songs and some covers, except for an okay cover of Genesis' "The Return of the Giant Hogweed."

We're going to start packing stuff this week for the St. Louis trip and I'm already trying to get laundry done and some warmer clothing picked out. It may get rather chilly up there. Because our associates Mr. Bob and Jack will be traveling with us, I'm also attempting to pare down my photo gear to just the essentials. I've got a pretty good handle on that, though, since I was able to figure what was and was not absolutely essential while on our Wisconsin trip in August. I also haven't had the time to shoot much lately. That will change quickly, though: I'm going a photo session with Mr. Bob next weekend and I've got a session (maybe two) planned for the St. Louis trip (leatherwolf1970, I'm talkin' to you). There will be ample opportunity for more shooting at the Missouri Botanical Garden and I'm hoping to do some good portraits backdropped by the wonderful architecture of the Soulard -- heck, of all of St. Louis for that matter.

I've had my braces in for a month now, so yesterday it was time to go back to the orthodontist for my first adjustment. He said there's already some tooth movement going on, which is great. Only a week into the braces I had a minor issue with the lower archwire. The clipped end was too long and was poking me, so I clipped it close; after that, it would tend to come out of its end bracket when I ate certain harder foods. According to the ortho, his current focus is on the teeth that are front and center so there was no pressure on that portion of archwire (obviously), so he just went ahead and removed that offending portion entirely.

A day later, I'm only having some minor lasting soreness and my teeth are tender again when I brush. That will go away in a few days, just like before. I'm also having put wax again on some of the adjusted hardware and smear Carmex on my newly abraded lower lip, until it gets used to things again and toughens up.

And less than two weeks now until our trip to St. Louis!

On Sunday, after our newest associate Jack had come over and we were waiting on Danny to change clothes after church, I dragged out Danny's old Anscoflex II camera, a TLR (twins lens reflex). I hooked it up to a cardboard contraption I'd fashioned out of some artboard, and voilà!



Click to embiggen. The originals were color, but these split-toned versions I made in Lightroom convey some antiquity.

We didn't have too many errands to run today, so last night we went by SpinStreet after we finished with dinner at Huey's, and I actually picked up some new CDs for a change:

La Roux, La Roux
Opeth, The Candlelight Years (includes their first three albums: Orchid, Morningrise, and My Arms Your Hearse.

I remembered too late about a few used discs I had my eye on while I was there, so today I had him swing back by so I could get:

The Human League, Dare!
The Human League, Hysteria
The Human League, Original Remixes & Rarities
Information Society, "What's On Your Mind (Pure Energy)" [CD maxi-single reissue]

No, I'm not a rabid Human League fan; it's just that Crash and Greatest Hits are all I'd had by them and I'd like to delve into their earlier years more.

Up until a few years ago, we used to go to St. Louis every October for the Gateway MC run, which was one of the largest in the Midwest. Then they abruptly stopped having a run, and we continued to come up to St. Louis in the fall just because we liked the city, even if we felt the leather scene in St. Louis was quickly going down the drain. This year, we had originally planned to make our last leather run attendance of the year the Panther L/L run in Atlanta, Georgia, since we'd never been to it before; but just before the early bird registration deadline they decided to cancel the run for economic reasons.

So, now our Plan B is to do what we usually do each fall: go up to St. Louis. We'll be on our way after work on Wednesday, November 4, staying at the St. Louis Guesthouse in the Soulard area as we usually do, and returning on the following Tuesday, November 10. Our two newest and local associate members, Mr. Bob and Jack H., are obviously gluttons for punishment because they're joining us on this madcap adventure. Will they survive? Stay tuned. The Guesthouse has wi-fi and I'll be bringing my laptop and photographic gear.

Because the backup girl who does my job on the weekends asked for some vacation time and my immediate boss also had the weekend off, I had no choice but to work seven days in a row last week. Thankfully, there were no catastrophes during that time and it was much less stressful than I'd anticipated. Monday and Tuesday I enjoyed two well deserved days off, and now I'm working a short, three day work week to get my schedule back to its usual cycle. I pretty much did nothing on my days off: we had never-ending rain and I somehow wrenched my neck, probably in my sleep, in a way that made it nearly impossible to move without severe pain. Some massage, hot showers and a hot pad applied to it helped immensely and I'm fully recovered now.

Saturday a week ago, Danny was able to get us free tickets to the zoo. He works for the City of Memphis and they were hosting a health fair for their employees, and employees were able to get a limited number of tickets. So Danny, I, my mother, and my sister and her husband went. Mom no longer has to wear a cast, and was sporting a wrist support that she says she's not even required to wear but is going to keep on wearing while she packs for their moving to a new apartment later this month. She wants to use it to protect her from bumping her arm and wrist during the move. Good idea.

Anyway, it was a perfect bright day without the sun beaming down too hotly, and the temperature was neither too hot nor too cool. Most of the animals felt the same way and were out sunning themselves. We partook of Hawaiian shaved ice at the snow cone stand near the elephants, and the entire stand was crawling with bees clamoring for the sugary snow cone syrup. I was surprised by how the folks manning the stand could tolerate the bees so nonchalantly. Even the trashcan nearby was thick with them because of everyone's discarding their half-finished cones away in it. With regards to photos, I took my camera and two lenses, but mostly used my 70-200mm to really get in tight. Some choice shots:



After our zoo excursion we took them over to Central BBQ (Summer Ave. location) for a late lunch. It's our favorite BBQ place, hands down. I would normally frown on embedding a video, but this is about the 'que, bitches. Represent:

The very definition of un-kosher:

My husband made himself a sandwich before going to choir practice this evening: a pork chop on challah bread with mayonnaise, topped with American cheese. And on the day after Yom Kippur to boot.

I posted on Monday about getting my braces on that day. Throughout the week I struggled with them, but now my body seems to be getting used to them. Yesterday (Saturday) was the first day I didn't have to use wax to prevent the hardware from scraping the H-E-double-hockey-sticks out of my cheeks and tongue, although they're still somewhat sore. Because the biggest hardware is in the corners of my mouth, I feel like I'm a vampire when trying to talk. Eating is still an issue, because food gets stuck very easily between the gaps and can only be removed by brushing vigorously. The pressure isn't bad, actually, only in a couple of the most crowded spots where the archwire is directly pulling against on the teeth, causing tender spots.

The final verdict is that I'm finding the braces bearable, but I'm still not exactly in love with the poking hardware in the corners. I'm surprised some savvy engineer hasn't perfected anchor bands with nicely rounded edges. Or maybe some savvy engineer did, but was thwarted by some sadistic orthodontists' union. My next appointment for adjustment is October 22.

The braces are on. Discomfort was actually rather minimal, the worst of it being the affixing of the anchors to my upper left molars. I'm having no pain at the moment, writing this right after getting home from the banding appointment, but I've already notified my supervisor at work that I probably won't be at work tomorrow. My next appointment is set for late October. My teeth have been so screwed up until now that my mouth now looks like the underside of a roller coaster!

TREATMENT PLAN FOR CHRISTIAN, TERRY:
Date: 9/21/09
Age: Adult

Diagnosis: Skeletally, the mandible is significantly retruded in relation to the maxilla and cranial base, and the right condylar height is significantly shorter than the left (conditions consistent with hemifacial microsomia).

Dentally, a Class II, Division 1 Malocclusion is present with the following characteristics: 4 mm over jet, 0 mm overbite, posterior cross bite (left side), crowding in the upper and lower arches, missing teeth 30 and 31, and impacted tooth 11.

Treatment Plan: Band and bond the upper and lower arches, and have teeth 5 and 12 extracted in the second month of treatment. Presurgical orthodontics will take approximately 15 to 18 months, and the post surgical orthodontics, 12 months.

Following the active phase, a retention phase will begin in which retainers will be worn full time for a brief period, then at night thereafter.

Quite a few people on my friends list here have elderly mothers who need their care. While I've always tried to have some compassion for their predicament, until now I've been thankful that my own mother hasn't been in that kind of situation. Now I'm having to perhaps face Mom's slow decline. She broke her wrist in a fall a couple weeks ago because she was walking along a path that had a step she didn't see. She's always had rather poor vision anyway, but she says that lately she's been having trouble keeping her balance. When she was in the hospital for surgery on her wrist, she was diagnosed with mild (non-insulin-dependent) diabetes, and her eye doctor tells her she's getting cataracts. Nothing big, I know, but a thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, reminding me that I must eventually let her go.

Anyway, to help get her out of the house and treat her to something nice, I insisted that she and my sister and brother-in-law come over and join us at the Cooper-Young Festival yesterday. They did, and had a good time (pictures to follow soon). The weather was overcast and there was even a momentary drizzle, but nothing was ruined and it kept the sun from beating down on us. After the festival we took them to Huey's for burgers all around, and then to Poplar Plaza for shopping at Petco, SpinStreet, and Bookstar. I hadn't bought anything at the festival, so I ended up buying the latest The Digital Photography Book, Volume 3 by Scott Kelby, and these used CDs:

Peter Cetera, Solitude/Solitaire
Duran Duran, Arena (remastered)
Enigma, LoveSensualityDevotion: The Greatest Hits (in a jewel case instead of digipak, yay!)
Eurythmics, 1984: For the Love of Big Brother (a rare find!)
Madonna, In the Beginning (early demos for her debut album w/producer Stephen Bray)

Life unreal, the feeding of the fear
An error of creation, no love left in here
And I see you falling out for fun
United in division, defy everyone

It's all a game, the hurting and the healing
But still the same, you'll leave us nothing, nothing at all

Caught in the process of mass separation
Victims of progress and mute isolation
God of small empire, this numb masturbator
Pissing his life into plastic and paper
Closing time for life

Welcome to Nowhere with me; it's in your head
Dead man, firehand, I'm burning through your Wonderland

-- Frost*, "Welcome to Nowhere," Experiments in Mass Appeal

I'd been waiting until I get my credit card debt fully paid, but Danny had been asking me a few times recently when I was going to make my appointment with Dr. Piper to get something done about getting my braces. Thanks to the nice tip I got for some photographic services a couple weeks ago, I'd been able to get a little bit ahead of schedule on my payments and I was feeling good about that, and my balance is now under $500. So on Monday morning, after making sure we had enough dough on hand (barely) to get the down payment together, I called to get the appointment. They scheduled me for lunchtime the same day!

X-rays were taken. A pink powder was mixed into a thick gel and wedged into my mouth to make the mold. Lastly, tiny rubber rings were shoved between a few of my molars: spacers to make enough room between them for anchoring the braces. Monday night, the spacers only felt like I had food lodged between my teeth. Tuesday, they were hurting just enough for me to take some ibuprofen from time to time. Today the ache is subsiding but I'm still having some difficulty with hard foods. This coming Monday I get the actual braces. According to a few online sources, the spacers hurt just as much if not more than braces. If that's true, then I'll find having braces easier than I thought.

Any way I figure it, getting these braces on will likely be the most grueling portion of this whole process of beating my demons. Jaw surgery sounds more severe, but recall that I'll be under anesthetic for the surgery and painkillers after. No anesthetic is used for braces, and I can't imagine it being more painful than the horrendously leaden pain I had with the bad lidocaine injections I had for tooth extraction; or than the dry socket I had after my wisdom tooth oral surgery. This should be like a walk in park, comparatively speaking.

One of my most primitive, vague memories is of my crying out for my father in a hospital or a dentist's office, and his scooping me up in his arms to "rescue" me from anyone causing me any more pain in an attempt to do anything more about my defect. He meant well, but the underlying problem was never solved. I don't even know how accurate that memory is -- it's probably more of an inaccurate flash from the senses -- but it has always been in the back of my mind. More than thirty-five years later, with my father long laid to rest, I'm willingly going back and placing myself in that chair as my own man to crush those demons myself: the demons that told me I was disfigured and unattractive. The demons that ruined my self-esteem. The demons that made me feel like less of a person than my classmates. The demons that told me that if I couldn't compensate by proving myself more talented or getting better grades, then I was worthless. (Do you remember the Domino's Pizza ad character "The Noid"? That's almost how I picture them.)

In reality, I'm sure most of my friends couldn't have cared less or even noticed. Those demons were of my own making, but that didn't make them or my angst any less real. Discovering who I really was inside, finding love, exploring my own passions, and becoming my own person shone a big spotlight on those demons and revealed them in more objective light. When I finally got up the courage to go to my husband's dentist and he reassured me that all was not lost; when the cleanings revealed teeth in better shape than I anticipated; when the oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth told me the name of my birth defect (hemifacial microsomia) and said so nonchalantly that, after a bit of teeth rotation with braces, he could FIX IT... ultimately bringing to an end all that I'd suffered; those demons were stunned.

Monday will be the day I get my hands around their throats and start to squeeze.

[After writing this, this all sounds so melodramatic, but it is all the better method to convey to you, dear readers, the paranoias and dysfunctional thought processes I'd been living with my whole life and only now from which I am starting to extricate myself. I'm not being a comment whore or anything, I'm just stepping through another level in the waking-the-hell-up process.]